Rest: Giving Ourselves Permission

Self Care for Chronic Illness

Those of us with a Chronic Illness know, this is the hardest part. This is much more complicated than just allowing ourselves the time and opportunity to rest and recover, which is hard enough. We have to accept two things: (1) that the illness requires us to, that we must stop what we are doing, change plans and (2) and this is super tough, that not everyone will understand, many may even judge.

I’d like to talk a little about two separate things here. One, that giving ourselves permission to rest is vital to our ability to recover and get back on our feet. What are our barriers and thoughts that prevent us from doing it? And secondly, the importance of accepting that there will always be some, even many who do not understand. Chronic Illness is probably one of the least understood and supported conditions in society, followed closely or even equally by mental illness.

This is where the words ALLOWANCE and PERMISSION come in. Truth is we cannot wait for others to allow us, or encourage us. We must be our own advocates for self care. And we must be proactive in our care. It starts by understanding our illness and accepting the effects it will inevitably have on our bodies and what happens when we do not practice self care. Each chronic illness is different and each illness also affects everyone differently. Become knowledgeable about your illness and understand your body. You know the pain all too well. What are your triggers? Foods, weather, alcohol use, stress, overdoing physical activity, long hours, lack of sleep? It is literally different for everyone, even with the same illness. Learn YOUR body. Pay attention to how you feel and what you did, ate, etc in the days before your pain. I am always amazed when I speak to others with RA or Fibromyalgia how different their triggers are. Pay attention, learn yours. Nobody knows your body better than you. So it is your responsibility. You must be your own, best advocate.

Roadblocks. What prevents us from self-care? More times than not it is our own mindset and beliefs. For example, I for the first 50 years of my life felt, either consciously or subconsciously, that my value is measured by how productive I am. I therefore put tremendous pressure on myself to always be productive and when I wasn’t then I was wasting time or just a “loser.” That is a tough one to adjust. Truth is, however, that if we do not stop and rest, there will be zero production, zero. Don’t be a martyr. Put your pride away. Look in the mirror and decide you deserve to feel well, to rest to allow yourself to feel your best. The value in feeling good far outweighs productivity.

Rest and reset could mean different things for different people based on what they need to manage their illness and feel their best. It could be complete days physically off your feet, even several days or it could be a matter of working restful moments into your day. Taking those breaks at work, a 10 minute meditation during work, the hour at gym or home to stretch, ordering takeout for the family to give yourself a night off, an extra hour before picking the kids up from the babysitter to regroup & close your eyes, have some quiet.

Evaluate what you need. Make a plan. Write it down. Execute. Every day.

We all know the truth. If we do not take the time to rest and for self care, it will be forced upon us at some point by our bodies. And it ain’t gonna be pretty. We know this, we have been there.

The second point I think is important to touch on is a truth. Most people do not understand your need to rest. There is a saying that goes “you don’t get it until you get it.” It is true. There will always be those in our lives, could be family, friends, coworkers, bosses or even spouses, who do not understand. We can explain and try to educate them but we cannot wait for understanding to choose self care. And truth is, it is not our job to educate them. There are many, many resources out there and online for people who care to educate themselves. Our energy is best directed toward self-care. It is vital we take the time we need, that we ask for what we need and accept that there will always be those who do not understand. And that is OK. Give yourself permission.

Articles in the works: The importance of moving our bodies and balancing that with rest AND redefining ourselves after chronic illness. The process of reinventing ourselves.

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